THE UNIVERSE HAS A FUNNY WAY OF TEACHING US THE LESSONS THAT WE NEED TO LEARN IN LIFE. YESTERDAY MORNING I RANDOMLY GOT THIS URGE TO GO SIT OUTSIDE FOR A BIT. THIS HAPPENS A LOT BUT THIS TIME IT WAS DIFFERENT. AFTER A GOOD WHILE OF SITTING THERE I DECIDED TO LOOK AROUND THE YARD FOR A 4 LEAF CLOVER. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED I COULDN’T FIND ONE. I DID HOWEVER END UP FINDING A 5 LEAF CLOVER, BUT I THOUGHT TO MYSELF NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THOSE. I BET NOBODY WOULD EVEN THINK IT’S COOL. I SET IT ON THE TABLE WITH A REALLY PRETTY PERFECT 3 LEAF ONE THAT CAUGHT MY EYE SO I COULD AT LEAST COME BACK TO THEM LATER AND KEPT ON MY SEARCH. AFTER WHO KNOWS HOW LONG OF SEARCHING AND STILL NOTHING, I GOT SUPER FRUSTRATED. EVEN STARTING PRAYING, LIKE I’M HAVING SO MUCH DOUBT THAT ANYTHING GREATER THAN ME EVEN EXISTS RIGHT NOW CAN’T YOU JUST DO THIS ONE THING FOR ME AND SHOW ME YOU EXIST? NOTHING. I SAT DOWN ON THE GROUND DEFEATED, EVEN TRIED FOLLOWING A FLY TO SEE IF MAYBE IT WAS LEADING THE WAY, AND STILL NOTHING. I GAVE UP, FEELING COMPLETELY HOPELESS. I WENT BACK TO THE TABLE WHERE I HAD LAID THE OTHER 2 I FOUND. GUESS WHAT? THE 5 LEAF WAS GONE BUT NOT THE 3 LEAF. I WENT INSIDE AND DECIDED TO LOOK IT UP. FINDING A 4 LEAF CLOVER IS A 1 IN 5,000 CHANCE. A 5 LEAF, IS A A 1 IN 20,000 CHANCE. SO I FOUND SOMETHING THAT WAS EVEN MORE RARE AND YET BECAUSE I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT WHAT OTHERS MIGHT THINK, I LOST IT. AND FELT EVEN MORE DEFEATED IN THE END.
ON SOME REAL SHIZZ, THIS IS SOMETHING I’VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH FOR A WHILE NOW. I’VE NEVER REALLY FELT LIKE I FIT IN ANYWHERE. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE, AND STILL FELT COMPLETELY ALONE. I DIDN’T WANT TO DO THE THINGS THAT OTHERS WERE DOING. I DIDN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE THINGS OTHERS WERE TALKING ABOUT. I DIDN’T GET ENJOYMENT OUT OF THE SAME THINGS OTHERS DID. I FELT SO OUT OF PLACE. SO OUTCASTED. SO DIFFERENT, SO RARE. BUT IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME THAT THAT COULD ACTUALLY BE A GOOD THING. WE’RE TAUGHT TO FIT IN. TO MAKE FRIENDS AND BLEND IN WITH THE CROWD BUT WHY? WHAT IF WE AREN’T SUPPOSED TO? WHAT IF WE ARE SUPPOSED TO STAND OUT AS THE RARE GEMS THAT WE ACTUALLY ARE? WHAT IF WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL ALL THE THINGS AND SAY ALL THE WEIRD THINGS AND YES EVEN AT TIMES MAKE PEOPLE COMPLETELY UNCOMFORTABLE THE SAME WAY THAT THEY DO US. WHAT IF? FOR ONE MOMENT. ONE WEEK, ONE MONTH, ONE YEAR, YOU MAKE A VOW TO BE COMPLETELY AUTHENTICALLY YOU? WITHOUT CARING WHO YOU LOST IN THE PROCESS. WITHOUT WORRYING WHAT ANYBODY WOULD THINK ABOUT YOU. WITHOUT TRYING TO FIT IN AND PUT YOURSELF IN SOME BOX JUST FOR EVERYONE ELSE’S CONVENIENCE. WE GIVE UP ON OURSELVES THE SAME WAY I GAVE UP ON THAT 5 LEAF CLOVER, BUT WHAT IF WE ARE THE PRIZE? THAT 1 IN A MILLION BECAUSE NOBODY CAN DO US LIKE WE CAN. AND IT’S TIME TO EMBRACE IT!